What do we do now?

So after I miscarried my husband and I figured that we would get back on track with our initial plan and wait a little while before we started actually "trying." We bought a new house and started getting settled in. About a year went by and my husband told me that he was ready to start trying. I was ecstatic! I remember it like it was only yesterday. We were sitting on our front porch on a beautiful day. I was so happy when he told me that tears just started streaming down my face. (Those who know me well know that tears are not hard for me to come by....lol.) So we were off......we were going to start a family......just like everyone else.

A few months went by with excited anticipation. All of my siblings already had children and I couldn't wait to give them a new cousin. All of my friends were having their first baby and I was avidly attending baby showers and births. So exciting....with every one I attended I could just picture myself sitting there with a huge, pregnant belly opening gifts for our new bundle of joy. I often thought about waking my husband up in the middle of the night saying, "It's time." I could just see us rushing off to the hospital and calling our parents on the way telling them their new grandchild was about to make his/her grand appearance in this world.

As the months went on I tried to stay positive knowing that it takes some couples up to a year to conceive. But as I would soon find out, time flies by when you are trying to conceive. Before I knew it we had hit the one year mark and the anticipation started to become an obsession. Having a baby was ALL I could think about. I probably took 8-10 pregnancy tests a month just praying that eventually one of them would be positive. But none of them ever were. I can't even tell you how many times I've sat in my bathroom floor and cried. I just couldn't understand it. I saw all of my friends deciding they wanted to start a family and they would get pregnant after only a few months of trying. So of course I start asking myself the dreaded questions...."Is there something wrong with me?"......"Is there something wrong with my husband?"......or even worse "Could it be both of us?" But in my mind I would always go back to the words of my doctor who I absolutely loved and trusted...."Well, at least you know you can get pregnant now."