Welcome to our home, Berni!

We added a new member to our family yesterday. He is a 2 year old mini-schnauzer. My cousin is moving to Germany and won't be able to take him. So, after careful consideration, we decided to adopt Berni. He is such a great dog!! He was already crate trained and house trained so all the hard work is pretty much done. We just get to love on him!! Last night was his first night with us and you would have thought he'd been with us from the beginning. He is that good of a dog! We were sad to take him from his family because we know that they loved him sooo much but we are so happy and blessed to make him a part of ours. Thanks to Cindy and Mark for letting us adopt their precious Berni!!

Scripture

As I have been going through infertility, I stumbled upon a few websites for women struggling with it. In some ways it helped to know that I'm not alone. But, it has also broken my heart to see so many of these women struggling without knowing Jesus Christ as their personal saviour. I am from the South so I use to assume that everyone was a Christian.....everyone I knew was. But as I have gotten older, and especially in the past 5 years or so, I have realized that I was so wrong. I don't how people can deal with life without having Jesus walk with them. I have also realized that people who aren't saved get very angry if you even mention Christianity. It truly saddens me. But, the Bible tells me that this is the way it is going to be. So, with that being said, I just want to share some scripture that helps me get through the hard times. And let me also say, "Thank you Lord so very, very much for the trials and tribulations in my life. They only make my relationship with you stronger and nothing could be better than that."

James 1:2-18

2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8 Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.
9 Believers in humble circumstances ought to take pride in their high position. 10 But the rich should take pride in their humiliation—since they will pass away like a wild flower. 11 For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich will fade away even while they go about their business.
12 Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.
13 When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14 but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. 15 Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.
16 Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. 17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. 18 He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.

I think I have finally reached numbness....

Well, I have officially said goodbye to my 20's and anxiously look forward to my 30's. They say your 30's are the best years of your life, so here's hoping that "they" are right. I get excited about my thirties when I think that I might get to experience parenthood. But the thought of it not happening makes my thirties a little less exciting. I know I should just be thankful that I am so blessed but sometimes it's harder than others.

I had been doing pretty good with everything for a bit. Finally getting an answer as to what has been causing our infertility was really good for me. Since we couldn't really afford to do the IUI right now, I decided to take a few months off of the "ttc" mindset. I have started working out again and already feel so much better. I actually have energy again.

But, it seems like every time I think I have finally dealt with this whole thing someone else I know gets pregnant. It's just weird. In this case, I already had an overwhelming feeling that my neighbor was pregnant. But when I got the official news last night I felt the same mixed emotions as usual. So, so, so happy for her (they have struggled with infertility as well) but sadness deep inside for me. I still think I have come a long way because I didn't have meltdown and start crying uncontrollably. But, I was just about to fall asleep when I got the text and my eyes immediately popped wide open and I could not go to sleep. It was a very odd feeling. I just felt numb. I just thought to myself, "Really?" It's strange because I'm so used to everyone around me getting pregnant that I almost expect it now. It's pretty much like clockwork. Each time a friend who is already pregnant gets close to their due date, another one announces they are expecting. If I ever hear of anyone else having trouble getting pregnant (which is very rare), I tell them just to hang around me for a little while and it will happen for them. And it does....

I don't know what God has planned for me. I can only keep praying that he will see my broken heart and heal it. Because after all, "Strength is born in the deep silence of long-suffering hearts; not amid joy." How true.....

The Big 3-0

Well, tomorrow is the day I've been dreading for a little while now. I will turn 30. I can't believe it. It seriously seems like only yesterday I was starting high school. But, it wasn't yesterday. It was a loooong time ago and I guess I better get used to it.

I never thought 30 would bother me. I'm pretty sure that not having any children yet is the only reason I'm letting it get to me so badly. I just thought for sure that I would have them by now. Oh well.

Today is Cycle Day 6 for me. I was supposed to do my first IUI next week, but the chances of that are looking pretty slim right now. Unfortunately, I just really can't afford it. It's not expensive when you compare it to IVF but it is when you compare it to my bank account. haha. But, I figure that if it was meant to be then I will come up with the money somehow. And if not then I'll just wait until I can find a way to pay for it. The waiting game continues......