Where do I even begin???

So much has happened since the last time I posted.  My father was hospitalized on October 3, 2012.  He didn't leave until March!  It was such an up and down roller coaster the entire time he was there.  He would get worse, then better, then worse, then better.  We were all exhausted physically and emotionally by the time he got to go home.  I can only imagine how hard it was for him.  I was so blessed during this time though because I got to leave my full time job and work part time.  I was able to go to hospital every day after work and spend time with him and my mom.  After he came home in March, I would go to their house three days a week and spend a few hours with them.  I could never thank the Lord enough for that time.  My father went home to be with the Lord on June 13, 2013.  I never could have imagined how hard it would be to lose a parent.  It made this infertility stuff seem irrelevant really.  I can only thank God for the wonderful earthly father that he blessed me with and the wonderful 32 years that I got to spend with him.  As much as I miss him every single day I have to smile knowing that he is standing face to face with his Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  I can't even imagine what that must be like.  I can't imagine the pain of losing a loved one when you haven't put your faith in Jesus.  He has given me a peace like I have never known and I could have never gotten through this without Him.

Now, on a happier note.  Back in April my hubby and I decided that we needed to start living a healthier lifestyle.  So we went INSANE.  Yes, we started the insanity workout and it is definitely titled correctly.  We did the meal plan and everything.  We were ready for a change and boy did we get one....  Week One came and I held up pretty well.  It was hard but I felt good about it.  As Week Two started I got a little discouraged.  I felt like the workout should be getting easier but I found myself having a harder time getting through it.  On Tuesday of Week Two I felt sick all day long.  So, what would any infertile do when feeling sick at her stomach?  That's right, I stopped and got a dollar store pregnancy test on my way home from work.  To my surprise, it was POSITIVE!!!  I could not believe it!  That was the last thing in the world I expected to see.  I had finally gotten to the point where I was imagining how great life could be without children.  I was dreaming of vacations, shopping sprees (I don't even really like to shop.. ha), expensive restaurants, etc..  So much for all that!!  I immediately called my fertility doctor to schedule an appointment.  We had stopped fertility treatment long ago but I was still seeing him to get my Thyroid under control.  I went in the next morning for blood work.  I was definitely pregnant.  But I was still holding my breath until Friday morning when I went back for more blood work to make sure my numbers were doubling.  That was the longest few hours of my life.  They finally called me around lunch to tell me that everything was looking great and we scheduled an ultrasound for six weeks.  That next two weeks took FOREVER!!

Now, if you have followed my story you know how long we have been trying to pregnant and I have been very honest about the ups and downs of infertility.  What happened at my six week ultrasound was absolutely the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life.  As my husband and I nervously sat there waiting on the nurse to start I thought I may throw up a little bit.  LOL.  It was at our first ultrasound over five years ago when we were told that there was no heartbeat.  So needless to say this was a big day for us.  What happened next was no doubt a miracle.  Not only was there a heartbeat, there were TWO heartbeats.  YES!!  IDENTICAL TWINS!!!!!!  It took the nurse telling us about five times before we finally believed her!  I still can't believe it most days.  We found out on August 21 that we will be welcoming identical twin girls. :)  We are so thrilled and thankful to God for these two little miracles.  I never could have imagined that He would bless us with two at the same time. 

These last 6 years have been some of the best and some of the worst days of my life.  God has taught me so much about myself, my marriage, my family and most of all, Him.  He is so patient and so kind.  No matter how many times I have messed up He has always been there to pick up the pieces.  His Grace overwhelms me.  His timing is so perfect.  I was able to tell my father that I was pregnant with twins before he passed away.  I am so very thankful that he knew because I know how much he wanted this to happen for us.  I miss him more than words could ever express but these two little blessings make the days and nights a little easier.  If anyone actually reads this and takes anything from it, I hope it is that we serve an awesome God who loves us more than we could ever imagine.  I didn't know if I would ever get to experience the miracle of pregnancy but I knew that God had a plan for my life.  The more I trusted His plan the more at peace I became.  He loves us and knows what is best for us, even when we don't understand.  If you have never given your life to Jesus Christ, I urge you to do so.  He will give you peace like you have never known.  I promise it will be the best decision you will ever make.  God Bless.

Jamie